[Mystery Never Looked So Good]
April 14, 2003

i m n o t c r a z y i m j u s t a l i t t l e u n w e l l . . .

Borderline:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

according to this test, i am most likely to be either histrionic or borderline.

here's more info on both:

Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

i think that histionic would be a good bet. everyone knows i'm manipulative, but i'm so good at it they don't care anymore. i don't interrupt others though. and do i use 'grandiose' language? anyway, you kids judge me.

i won't be able to post a really long entry because this is my third try. >.< the netshop i'm in has lost it's electricity twice already. >P dammit!
*glances at phone* this one just texted me. unfortunately, i STILL don't have load. besides, i'm waiting for +fiona+ so that i can go over to her place and spend my life there. ^^ 'kay, fine...maybe not.

stupid. i lost all the quizzes i was taking. *shakes head* ugh.

i'll try to get it back, in the meantime, you'l have to put up with this mini-rant (i'm not mad enough to put it here).

it's not always a good thing to be too friendly.
people either misunderstand your intentions or they think you're a flirt. not much of a choice, is there?

the thing is, it's not in my nature to be...a prissy, superior snob. i truly like being nice to people. i like people.
i like helping out, and drawing out their deeper thoughts, and listening to how they really feel, because i know perfectly well that there's always something left unsaid. especially with guys.

i like the fact that guys feel like they can trust me. they feel like they can confide in me, and that makes me feel good--for once--about myself.

some guys think that they can fall in love with girls like me.

that's not always right.

guys think they love me because they feel comfortable with me. and although a good relationship is based on being able to be yourself with someone, that's not how it always works.

there are other people in this world who could love like that. but not me.

i'm usually the sister, the best friend, or the closest female friend the guy has.
i'm not cut out for relationships.

i don't deserve them.
April 05, 2003

hey, i'm in another good mood! ^_^ you don't get much of that from me nowadays...

first of all, i had practice for this one's debut. it was...wacky and all-hyped-up, to say the least. we didn't practice in my gramma's house, but at home instead. for a moment, i was afraid that +aids+ was bored/tired/pissed, but when we started on seven rounds of poker with +sirri+, [+fiona+ was practicing her voicing] he pretty much loosened up and started swapping jokes and--of all things--magic tricks.

asked for some advice regarding the Craft from +sirri+, [i WILL ask you when our schedules permit] and i'm pretty much...okay with it now.

on other news, foolish games by jewel is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.
i was trying to write a songfic for me and viggo-my-heart but decided that the inspiration was all wrong--hence i trashed all three snippets i made. *sighs* i know. i am evil.

in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see:
this is my heart, bleeding before you,
this is me, down on my knees.

it's beautiful. but you know?

...ah...how do i say this? i think...i am a mean person.
you see, i have a tendency to mess with the minds of those of the male species.
that's why a certain high school--*chokes*--FRIEND of mine called me heartbreaker.
i have to admit, in a way, i am. i am very good at mind games and i certainly know how to flirt.
needless to say, i have a Ph.D in flirting.
you know the book 'the art of seduction'? ^_^

ego speaking:

i wrote that book. ^^

okay, so maybe not. but point is, i know all too well how to hurt people. i have a sixth sense for that. and sometime, the vindictive side in me lashes out at the people i love so damn much.

you know who you are, and i'm sorry.

i read the bitch manifesto this morning. [remember that, +athens+?]
i am a bitch goddess and for what it's worth, i like it.

the thing is, there was a line i liked. it went something like,
bitches are constantly afraid of fragile people. they are always worried about hurting other people.

it's appropriate because i know i am blunt and straight to the point. i also know that some people can't handle my honesty.
but i don't believe in being gentle. being gentle...that's...not me.

should i apologize for being me?
April 01, 2003

i am happy because i got VIGGO pics from this one!

it's kinda like an ice cream sandwich. :)
viggo on one side, athens on the other. ^_^

i'm glad to say i'm feeling better, mainly because i met with my twin and my doggie nii-chan last monday, and i met with the wednesday gang minus these two. i'm a bit disappointed as i miss +kari+ like anything and this one was supposed to meet them all. *sighs* but on other news, +fiona+ is right here beside me .^_^

i've been planning a lot for my beloved sister's debut and i'm praying the programs *ahem* are gonna turn out okay. =D
i can't post it here because SHE's gonna see. *sticks tongue out* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did i mention i was happy? ^_^

gonna go quiz-happy stealing quizzes off +maia's+


Find out what anime girl you are.



Find out what bishonen you are.


okay. i will go now. =D

eden: (n.) a paradise

[Air: Breath of Life]

isis eden
Dark Side of the Moon
Lady Lune
The Real Snow White


To whom do you hide from? the masquerade has long been over. poor miss perfect. the only one you cannot satisfy is Yourself.

there's always some reason/to feel not good enough/ and it's hard/ at the end of the day/ i need some distraction.../ beautiful release...

they saw through the pretensions...
A Ghra. A M'hain.
Lina's Ramblings
The Cheshire Cat
Autumn's Bounty
Fairytale Complex
Fic Journal
Frost-Bitten Suteki
Dream Weaving
Sin and the City

Charmed and Dangerous

Looked into my soul...
Paradigm of Uncertainty
The Final Sojourn
It's True! It's True!

And still loved me.
A Biochemist's Blog
Void Cathedral

Where do YOU stand?
Le Petite Mademoiselle

Daydream Sequences

Sing to Me.

::Seven Years -Norah Jones [dedicated by Ekai]
::No Way Back to Eden -Isgaard [dedicated by Harle]
::Angel -Sarah McLachlan [dedicated by Melina]
::Best I Ever Had [dedicated by Flip]
::Foolish Games -Jewel [dedicated by Doggy]

you were always the mysterious one...
::You're A God -Vertical Horizon [dedicated by Flip]
::Shakespeare In Love -Layla Kaliff [personal favorite]
::She Will Be Loved -Maroon 5 [dedicated by Athens]