[Mystery Never Looked So Good]
March 30, 2003

oH-kay. i'm in school because...i need my class cards. i'm terrified i'll get thrown out of my *ahem* beloved alma mater.
unlikely, you say? GOD. i only pray you're right.

so what has happened to me lately? that would be a good question if i actually had an answer. does the phrase 'great extremes' ring a bell? my mood swings are acting up...and it's not pretty. i know how it feels to go crazy. i know that feeling all too well. and now, i also know how it feels to want to die.
it came to a point i was actually planning it out....figuring out who to write letters to, what to write and all that...you'll never guess what stopped me.
it was the silliest thing, really.

sis, i didn't want to ruin your debut.
i reach new lows everyday.
really. i do.


hmm...just went to lina's blog. naunahan ako. 'unwell' by matchbox 20 was supposed to be my theme song. >< keyword being supposed. ohhhh dear. i feel vaguely sick.


there something that bothers me.

everyone overestimates me.
i'm not perfect, guys.

everyone thinks that i'm this person who knows exactly what to say and when to say it. or i'm someone who knows exactly what she wants, who can read people like a book and ...well...in short, they think i'm someone who knows how to handle...everything.

i'm not as strong as i seem, or even as strong as i pretend to be.

inside i'm scared and crying.
and the thing is, i don't even KNOW what i'm looking for. but i know i need it now. soon.


i know i'm not making sense. but right now nothing does.
i'm lost and completely hopeless and as far as i'm concerned, i. want. OUT!

i want out of this so-called life.


What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim


i am not happy. i want to go back to fifteen years ago. you know i used to be so damn independent?
but with others making decisions for you, you don't have to use emotion...you just follow what they say. in a way, it's safer. you all know emotion can kill.

March 19, 2003

okay, this is gonna be really quick, first of all, class has officially ended. at least--for my block. i'm currently in the vicinity though, because i'm meeting +aish+ for our guidance clearance and then this one later lunch.

by the way, sis, i waited a full hour for you last monday. i don't appreciate it, but i'll let it pass.
and miel, i'll try to email you. sorry, but finals week was really hectic. jeez, i still AM hectic now.

okay. more next time.

March 17, 2003

haven't been here in awhile. go to my blurty to read info on one of my friends. leaving again.

You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


March 13, 2003

i'm not happy. in fact, i'm pissed.
i'm really irritated towards -bianca-. she's...overly conceited. i mean, she beats me by more than a mile! *sighs* but she's darling when she needs to be.
i don't understand why the hell people just can't live and let live. or why can't they stop being judgemental? i mean, for once?
sheesh, it's frustrating when i have to be miss sugar and spice and everything supposedly nice just so people won't think the only thing my friends have is beauty and popularity. you all know the saying 'birds of the same feather flock together.'

miss sugar and spice and everything supposedly nice.

it's weird, and you guys probably won't even believe me, but that's how the whole damn block sees me. i've been called 'too nice for my own good'. everyone thinks i'm this sweet little thing who makes everyone fall in love at the drop of a hat. that isn't me.

there's more to me than that.

speaking of love, i suppose i should update you on what's happening between me and mine.


i'm gonna cry tonight when i think about it again. there isn't anything happening, and that's what hurts so much. we can't even talk anymore.
maybe it's the fact that everyone's so busy...i mean, finals and all. but it hurts to hear that awkward silence on the phone when before...
well...we could stay on for hours and never notice. it's just...

damn. *sighs*

maybe it's just a phase all...i don't even know what we are anymore.

on yet another disturbing topic, i haven't had the dream lady harle foresaw, but i figured out the last part of her reading connects with my past.

i went back again, dear sisters. i found out that...well, i was part of something...something like WE have. but i was afraid i would taint their circle, so i left...

i don't want to put it all in here because...*sighs* i'm still scared.

i'm still running.

March 12, 2003

i met with the wednesday group, but the thing that stick in my mind up to now is harle's reading.

it was all true. i would rant, but i exhausted all my good mood in my blurty. i'm gonna think dark, pensive thoughts tonight.

that is all you need to know.

on other, less creepy news, i went back to school around 3.00pm, thinking that i missed two subjects when---lo and behold!---aforementioned subjects were cancelled, so in essence, i didn't miss boring ol' philippine history and theology. =P so, nii-chan, you have no reason to get all hyped up over my cutting class. ^_^

go me. i'll reserve the creeped-out thoughts for tonight.

^isis_ of the +moon+
March 10, 2003

i'm getting a fic log of my own. =P
i'm duly inspired by the blog series my sister is responsible for. for those who haven't seen it...tsk tsk tsk...shame on YOU, mortals, yes YOU!!!!!!!!

*shakes head*

i'm a little deranged. or was it demented? or disturbed?


this one's disturbed. i think -sirri- was the one demented.

that leaves me deranged...not much choice in the matter.
then again it's really applicable.

awright, i don't have class today because intro to comm (1.30-3.00) and computer was cancelled. happy me.
i had to go to school nine-thirty in the MORNING, though. hung out with -alysia- and -aish-.

oh, and i HAVE to hand it to them, as far as i've noticed, they're the only ones who don't believe me when i say "i'm okay", or any of the sort. i guess they DO know me. i hope they don't get so attached, though, i don't want to hurt them.

okay, i'm gonna put up the URL for my blurty. *waits for cheers to die down* go see. ^_^

over and out.
March 09, 2003

You are a Silent Dreamer...
Some say your a freak, others say your very
blunt, but the truth is your just
misunderstood. You understand a lot more then
you let on, but that doesn't stop you from
letting them think what they want. Who cares?
Your you, that's all thats importaint.

What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i choose to hide from what i need
if i can love, then i can bleed
the only one left to blame is me
dreaming ends and nothing's free...

dreaming dies tonight with me...

i got the same thing months ago. i wonder if i can curl up and die now.


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

why doesn't anyone notice it's all an act? everyone thinks i'm little miss sweetie, everyone's darling, everyone's friend...can't they see i'm dying inside?
forgive my pride, but i can't show it...

everything's an act.

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

i got this too.

when will i begin to live again?

this is a quiz i lifted off...someone's blog. i don't remember which. i think it was melina's. i'm stuck in a pathetic excuse for a computer lab in st. scho with a migraine and a hang-over to keep me company, plus my own dark thoughts.

I am Rooftop!
You are track #5, 'Rooftop'. You are perhaps one of
the saddest tracks in the soundtrack, a story
of how Jim wishes for the promise of a future.
Cheer up! You're gonna be fine.

Which Song From the 'Treasure Planet' Soundtrack Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i can accept this. duh, isn't it true? i can't believe i've gotten so good in acting i even fool myself.

You are Elizabeth Bathory. (The bloodcountess)
Legend tells us that you, this very rich,
beautiful and high born woman tortured and
murdered some 650 young women and bathed in
their warm blood to keep yourself beautiful.
In some stories, it is said you have drank thier
blood as well. You were a sexual sadist on a
grand scale.
Ah vanity is your downfall. For shame!

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

this is nice. i think i can accept this too.

i'm out. please. comment on the quizzies.
March 05, 2003

i'm actually not very happy right now. i'm in school HOURS before my class, which starts at one-thirty. we have a presentation that -ginny- and i fought about. we're STILL fighting. i just think it's vaguely unfair that i get blamed for -ashley's- lax behavior.

honestly now. what do they expect?
gee, i'm sorry i have a life.

if i posted two days ago, i'd have gone to my dark blog. but i'm feeling just plain TIRED here, so i decided to post here. don't bother checking out the said blog, it hasn't been updated.

i'm tired.

but last night was fun. bonded quite a bit with my brothers. it made my day worth it, since i wasn't able to spend much time with the girls and ekai wasn't there.


i miss them all.

i miss this one as well. everyone's busy. i haven't felt this alone in years.
and as for athens, i just wish we could go back to not caring about the world and focusing on our own happiness for once. but we can't do that anymore.

distance never separates two hearts that really care...

i hope you remember that.

i haven't been this lonely since last year.
then again maybe i just haven't noticed.

eden: (n.) a paradise

[Air: Breath of Life]

isis eden
Dark Side of the Moon
Lady Lune
The Real Snow White


To whom do you hide from? the masquerade has long been over. poor miss perfect. the only one you cannot satisfy is Yourself.

there's always some reason/to feel not good enough/ and it's hard/ at the end of the day/ i need some distraction.../ beautiful release...

they saw through the pretensions...
A Ghra. A M'hain.
Lina's Ramblings
The Cheshire Cat
Autumn's Bounty
Fairytale Complex
Fic Journal
Frost-Bitten Suteki
Dream Weaving
Sin and the City

Charmed and Dangerous

Looked into my soul...
Paradigm of Uncertainty
The Final Sojourn
It's True! It's True!

And still loved me.
A Biochemist's Blog
Void Cathedral

Where do YOU stand?
Le Petite Mademoiselle

Daydream Sequences

Sing to Me.

::Seven Years -Norah Jones [dedicated by Ekai]
::No Way Back to Eden -Isgaard [dedicated by Harle]
::Angel -Sarah McLachlan [dedicated by Melina]
::Best I Ever Had [dedicated by Flip]
::Foolish Games -Jewel [dedicated by Doggy]

you were always the mysterious one...
::You're A God -Vertical Horizon [dedicated by Flip]
::Shakespeare In Love -Layla Kaliff [personal favorite]
::She Will Be Loved -Maroon 5 [dedicated by Athens]